Mike's Arrival
by Major Monty the Straw Vulcan
Summary: What was it like when Mike got on the Satellite of Love? How did the Bots react? DId Frank's hiney ever attend it's appointment with Dr. Forrester's towel? Find out in this epic Mystery Science Theater 3000/MST3K finfic!
1. Do Panic

**This is my first-ever fan fiction, so naturally I'm putting my full effort into this. This story will be soaked in my blood, sweat, tears, and urine. After all, the show this is about is one of my favorites, possibly favorite overall. There have been many great fanfics about this show, and I want this be one of them. So, share and enjoy. P.S. Cambot's** **lines ****are italics.**

**Also, I do not own Mystery Science Theater 3000 or its characters. It belongs to****its****creators at Best Brains, Inc.**

Mike's Arrival

By Major Monty the Straw Vulcan

Chapter 1: Do Panic

"Do you think they're gonna send up another guy?" asked Gypsy.

"Well they're bound to," responded Tom in his usual pompous manner. He was in charge now, or at least that's what he said. He had what it takes to lead his fellow robots. Not.

"But until then, PANIC!" yelled Servo, as they all started to scream and flail around.

"JOEL'S GONE, WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?!" screamed Crow as his eyes and basket fell off, preceded by Tom's dome, as Cambot observed as usual.

Come on, thought Cambot, call. After what seemed like a few seconds, (because it was a few seconds) the red light on the panel started blinking, however this went unnoticed by Crow, Gypsy and Servo as they were too busy panicking. Next, Cambot switched the video feed to Deep 13, which then appeared on the Hexfield Viewscreen that was reserved for the Mad's transmissions.

Finally, thought Cambot, as he was now free to move about the ship. He looked at his fellow bots, as they panicked and panicked and panicked some more.

I have to do something, the camera robot thought, something to help them out. So, with all of his might, the camera robot did something that the other three will never forget. He started panicking, too.

"_JOEL'S GONE! JOEL'S GONE! GAME OVER MAN, GAME OVER!__" _screamed Cambot. So for a time that seemed to last longer than Rock Climbing and Sandstorm combined, the bots continued to panic, causing more of their parts to fall off. After about twenty minutes or so, they finally stopped. They just stood there, catching their breaths. (If robots had breath, which they don't. But you know what I mean. Unless you don't, then I apologize for the confusion.)

"Well, how about those MallomarsTM, Crow?" asked Tom, remembering his golden-plated companion had mentioned that he had found where Joel had hid them.

"Sure Tom," replied what was left of Crow. "But first one question: WHERE ARE MY EYES! TOM YOU JERK, YOU STOLE THEM AGAIN DIDN'T YOU!" yelled Crow, obviously peeved with the fact the two ping-pong balls Joel gave him as the mechanical equivalent of the human eyes have now gone MIA.

"I didn't take'em you nut, they must've fallen off, like your arm and that basket thing on your head." Tom responded.

"WHAT! MY BASKET TOO! OH TOM, CAMBOT, GYPSY, LOOK AT WHAT'S BECOME OF US! JOEL'S BEEN GONE FOR A HALF HOUR AND THIS FAMILY IS FALLING APART! LITERALLY!" ranted Crow.

"You're right Crow! Without Joel, we're DOOMED!"

"_DOOMED!" _Yelled Tom and Cambot, as the three normally happy-go-lucky movie-riffing popular culture-referencing automatons started to whine and carry on and just make a big scene. Gypsy watched her three little brothers as they continued to blubber on and on. Now don't get me wrong, she was just as upset as the rest of them. It's just that Gypsy was more mature than the others, and she not only knew how to calm herself, she also knew how to calm down the other three.

"Come on guys, we'll be okay."

"No we won't," blubbered Tom.

"Who will tuck me in at night?!" cried Crow.

"Who will feed my turtle?!" inquired Servo.

_"Who will wipe my lens?!" _whined Cambot.

"Boys, calm down," yelled Gypsy, getting their attention.

Then, in a gentle, soothing tone, she said: "Let's go to the repair room, fix you boys up, then we can have MallowmarsTM."

"Okay, Gypsy" the others said in unison. And together, they headed off to the repair room; the thought of a new human was the last thing on their minds.


	2. What Size Jumpsuit Do You Wear?

This chapter was fun to write. It took a while to copy the dialogue from Mitchell, but it worked out nicely. Also, I still don't own MST3K. It belongs to Best Brains, Inc.

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><p>Chapter 2: What Size Jumpsuit Do You Wear?<p>

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><p>While all of this was happening on the Satellite of Love, trouble was brewing for TV's Frank down in Deep 13.<p>

Frank stood there with a face of pure stupidity. He looked down at his keys, made a few gestures, and realized that the temp he had hired TRICKED him! A temp? Trick him, TV's Frank! It was unheard of; I mean he was used to it with Doctor Forrester, but by some dope from Wisconsin? There was no way Frank was going to let this slide; luckily, he and Clay had already planned on disposing of him.

But then Frank realized: He had just allowed Joel to escape. Joel escaped from the Satellite of Love, and it was his fault.

Frank was screwed.

He had to find some way out of this before Clay got out of the- "Nothing like a good shower to make one feel new, huh? I feel great! Nothing can get in the way of my good mood! So what's happening, Frank?" asked Clayton, walking out with a robe, towel, and a can-do-attitude.

Frank gulped, knowing that he would soon feel the fiery wrath of Doctor Clayton Deborah Susan Forrester.

"Well, not much. Inventory's under control. The floor needs mopping. Joel escaped from the Satellite of Love." Said Frank, knowing that it was easier to tell the truth and let Clay kill him rather than trying to hide it from him.

"Well that's great; I see you've got the situation in hand- WHAT! JOEL ESCAPED FROM THE SATELLITE OF LOVE!" Screamed Clay, making Frank nearly drop his keys.

Clay started typing on the tectronic panel trying to bring Joel back.

"I better get started on that floor," said Frank in a hopeless bid for freedom, only to be yanked back by Dr. F.

"Frank, my towel and your hinder have an appointment." Clay stopped typing.

"No, no! Joel landed safely in the Australian outback!"

"Let's just hope he lands on Yahoo Serious." Says Frank hoping to get on Clay's good side; not a chance.

"Well, that's a good point Frank- FRANK! WHAT'RE WE GONNA DO!" yelled Clay, shaking Frank back and forth as he did.

"Well, we could send someone else into space." Said Frank, realizing how dumb that sounded right after he said it.

"Who are we gonna find to someone to send into space at this late date!" Just then, in an event which is known for being the most convenient thing for one party, and the dumbest thing the other party had ever done.

"Could you guys sign my time card?" asked their temporary worker Mike Nelson as he walked up behind them.

Clayton and Frank looked at each other. They laughed. And laughed. And laughed, and laughed, and laughed. Mike, who already thought these guys were nuts, started to laugh to, in that if-I-laugh-with-them-they-won't-kill-me sort of way.

"You thinking what I'm thinking Frank?" asked Clay.

"Yeah, you're not gonna sign his time card are ya?" replied Frank. Clay made a face telling Frank to shut up.

"You gotta sign my time card," replied Mike, just wanting to get his card signed so he could go back to the temp agency and collect his pay.

"Of course I'll sign your time card young man; in fact, I think you'll be working with me for a long, long, time. Push the button, Frank," said Dr. F as he put his arm around Mike's neck, pulling him closer. Both Mike and Frank looked into the camera, deeply confused.

"Say Mike, what size jumpsuit you wear?" asked Clay after Frank pushed the button.

"Large I guess, why," Mike responded, waiting for Clay to let go of him so he could run out the door.

"Well, you never know when you might receive one as a gift, so I just wanted to know," said Clay lying through his teeth. He then looked at the clock.

"Well, look at the time; it's time for you to go. I guess time flies when you're having fun," said Clay. All Mike could think of was that this wasn't fun and that he could finally leave. Mike went over to the table to grab his stuff. He picked up some kind of gizmo thing, then looked at his time card and saw that his boss's middle names were Deborah and Susan. Mike couldn't help but chuckle at the fact the guy he and Frank were afraid of had not one, but two girl names.

Meanwhile, Clay "Deborah Susan" Forrester and TV's Frank were right behind him. Clayton, unsure whether this would be painful enough for Mike, looked at Frank. Frank looked at Clay, grinning, and nodded. After reviewing their plans, they knew this was the guy. So, Clay lifted up his over-sized mallet and hit Mike with it. Mike fell on the ground, because well, it's a giant mallet.

"Oh poopie, that wasn't hard enough!' said Clay as Mike got up.

"What was that?" Mike asked, rubbing his head.

"It must have been a rock, these ceilings are fragile." Lied Clay.

"Oh, I guess that makes sense," said Mike, still rubbing his head. After a few minutes of Mike playing some catch, twirling records, all with Clay and Frank glaring at him, Mike finally remembered he could leave. So he grabbed his stuff and got ready to go. Then he realized Dr. F didn't spell his surname right. "Nelsorino." Yeesh, thought Mike. So he went over to Dr. F, who was standing in front of a blackboard.

"Say Dr. F, uh, my last name is Nelson, not Nelsorino," said Mike. He then looked up and saw a giant mallet right above him. It was the last thing he saw for a few hours.

"Frank, get in here and help me get this guy on the rocket!" yelled Clay as he tried to lift the extremely-heavy temp. Frank walked him and lifted up Mike's legs.

"Sorry Clay, I was-YAAHH!" screamed Frank, who might have pulled something.

"Lift with your legs, not your back!" said Clay.

"We have to get him to the rocket!"

"What rocket?" Frank inquired.


	3. So They Shot Him Into Space!

Wow, great chapter. So worth the wait. I still do not own these characters, or the show!

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><p>Chapter 3: And They Shot Him Into Space!<p>

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><p>"The spare rocket we made in case Joel escaped! I never thought we actually use, since Joel liked being up there so much!" said Clay as he and Frank carried Mike through the door and into the lift they used to get in and out of Deep 13.<p>

After like thirteen minutes, or sixty, I'm not sure how fast the lift goes, they arrived at the fake porta-potty they used as an entrance. Afterwords, they carried the unconscious temp all the way to the fake skyscraper they used as a launching bay.

"Gross," said Frank as they walked, disgusted by all the cobwebs and stuff.

"Here it is!" remarked Clay, "the back-up rocket Larry and I made all those years ago!"

"Do you mean Dr. Erhar-"

"DON'T SAY HIS NAME THREE TIMES!" yelled Clay.

"So this is it?" Frank asked. "My refrigerator is as big as this thing!"

"I know that, but it doesn't matter as long as he fits in there!" retorted Clay.

So the two evil underpants managed to shove the unconscious Mike Nelson into the rocket. They ran up the flight of stairs to the launch center. Clay turned some knobs, Frank pushed a variety of buttons, and the rocket's engines started. Smoke rushed out the bottom of the thing. "Countdown, ten minutes till launch," said a voice that sounded a lot like a certain stuttering, stumbling stayr.

Meanwhile, inside that rocket, Mike Nelson came to. He looked out the view screen (which right now acted as a window) and saw what looked like a Metilunion chauffer and a guy who just walked out of a Batman comic. It was his bosses.

"Hey what's going on?" yelled as he realized they couldn't hear him. He then saw a microphone. He guessed that he could use it to talk to them. He held the microphone to his mouth, pressed the button labeled "Talk" and asked: "Hey, what's going on? Where am I?" , although he wasn't sure he would get a response.

"You're in a rocket," said a deep, malevolent, familiar voice. Dr. Forrester, thought Mike.

"Ok, **why **am I in a rocket?" asked Mike.

"Because you're going to be my new guinea pig for my experiments," said Clay.

"What experiment?" asked Mike.

"The one where I show a normal man, like yourself, an extremely bad B-movie approximately once a week, and find out which one will rob him of his sanity. Then, I will force everybody everywhere to watch it, and in the chaos, I WILL RULE THE WORLD WITH AN IRON FIST!" yelled Clay, as he always did when he explained these experiments.

"Okay, well that still doesn't explain why I'm in a rocket," Mike pointed out.

"Oh yeah," said Clay, he to realizing that what he just said didn't explain the rocket either.

"Well you see the rocket will be the vessel that takes you to the place where these experiments take place, as well as your new home: The **S**tationary **O**rbital **L**aboratory, also known as the **S**atellite **O**f **L**ove, or the **SOL** for short."

"So, you're kidnapping me, launching me onto a rocket ship floating over Earth, forcing me to watch cheesy movies all alone?" said Mike, assessing the situation.

"Oh, you won't be alone. A-HAHAHAHAHAHAH!" laughed Clay, as he pulled the lever right next to him. This caused the building itself to break in half, allowing the rocket to fly off into the sky, breaking through the atmosphere that allowed life to exsist on this planet.

"WAAAAHHHHH!" screamed Mike, as the ship's hull lit a flame and the whole thing shook around like nobody's business. It flew around the earth, heading for a satellite that looked like a colossal dog chew toy.

"GET ME DOOOOOOOWWWWWWWNNNNNNNN!" yelled Mike, who had no idea the microphone was on, or that he was being watched by four robots, which in time, he would consider to be four of the greatest friends he has ever had.


	4. One Small Step For A Temp

**Okay, it's been a while, but I have the new chapter. It's a long one. **

**I, The Unknown Uploader, do not own Mystery Science Theater 3000, it's characters, or any products mentioned. So please don't sue me.**

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><p>Chapter 4: One Small Step for a Temp…<p>

So while Mike was being glared at by Forrester and Frank, Crow, Tom, Gypsy, and Cambot were in the bot repair room, enjoying the MallomarsTM that Joel had hidden in the small box in the top of the fridge.

"So, what do we do next?" asked Crow, who had taken ten minutes to fully repair, between beak-fulls of marshmallow-chocolaty goodness.

"Well, as newly appointed leader, I think Gypsy should come up with what we do next," announced Servo, who had taken eight-and-a-half minutes to bring back to full working capacity.

"Well, now that you boys have been fixed, and we've had a little snack, we should see what the Mads are up to now that Joel's gone," said Gypsy, as she finished the repairs on Cambot.

The sentient camcorder had been more difficult to repair than the other two robots, due to the fact his original blueprints had been destroyed during one of Tom's "I wonder what _this_ switch does?" moments. Because of this, Joel made a new design for Cambot, which would give him better mobility. Gypsy was able to implement this new design, which looked like a floating bowling ball with a camera scope sticking out the front, in just fifteen minutes. (Joel had drawn up the new design in a hurry, making them a bit hard to read.)

"Say, why does Cambot get a new design? I want one!" These statements caused Crow's whining algorithm to go into overdrive. This meant his drama queen sequencer would overheat, forcing his coolant system to go up seventy percent, which would mean he would need more fuel, so Crow instinctively shoved another MallomarTM into his beak.

"That's not important right now Crow. We have to find out what's going in Deep 13."

"Good idea, Lieutenant Gypsy," said Servo, who had gone into Shatner Mode.

"Mister Crow, prepare to move the bridge. Cambotty, turn on the Hexfield Viewscreen."

"Yes Captain," Gypsy, Crow, and Cambot replied. They moved out of the repair and into the corridor heading towards the bridge.

"Let, us, hope, we can make, peaceful contact, with the, alien life forms, before they-"

"Knock it off Kirk, before I shove your dome _so far up _your hover skirt, it'll be right back where it was, so it would be like I didn't do anything at all…" said Crow. His insult towards Servo had started out good, but then he got lost halfway through and bailed out.

"Nice insult, goldy," Servo replied slyly.

"Shut up, uh, transparent head," Crow replied back.

"Another swing and a miss, better quit while you're behind, Crow."

"Well, you're a-"

"Okay, we're there," Gypsy stopped Crow before he did something to embarrass himself even further.

Gypsy opened the door and the four robots entered the bridge, where they communicated with the mad scientists and alien visitors and preformed their various sketches.

There were over seventy-five different hallways leading to the bridge, including the main one Cambot used (which was getting some annual matinence, meaning they may have to get some new doors). There were the ones Crow, Tom, and Joel used, including a hatchway that was also used as the airlock. There were even hallways that lead to the bot's rooms, where they got all their costumes and props.

Also located on the bridge were the two Hexfield Viewscreens-the one located behind Cambot, where they spoke to the Mads with, as well as see through Rocket Number 9, a space telescope connected to Cambot that flew around the ship, allowing them to see the exterior of the ship; and the the one to the left of Cambot's corridor, where they communicated to people outside of Deep 13, like the various aliens/movie characters that dropped by to exchange dialouge for roughly two-and-a-haf minutes and leave. The SOL crew had gotten used to the fact that certain characters from the films and shorts they viewed were real, and by some bizarre coincidence sometimes stopped by to chat; they didn't question it, they could use the company.

"Cambot, replay the Deep 13 footage of what we missed," Gypsy requested of him.

Cambot beeped in agreement, then connected himself to the Hexfield Viewscreen-2 and played the video feed. The four robots watched in horror as Doctor Forrester conked the temp Mike on the noggin (twice) and then dragged him out of Deep 13.

"Oh-no, we're getting a new human!" Crow cried in terror.

"We just housetrained the last one!" Servo joked.

Oh my stars, this is all my fault! Gypsy thought to herself; if it weren't for me, we'd still have Joel, and poor innocent Mike wouldn't be stuck up here with us! I'll have to make it up to him somehow.

Gypsy finished her thought to see Crow, Tom, and Cambot, discussing what they should do when the new human arrives.

"I'll take him out all by myself!" Tom declared, raising his fists, or he would if he had fists, and if his arms worked.

"I'll knock him into next Sunday, A.D!" Crow exclaimed.

"Guys, we have to go! Mike's rocket is coming here quick!" Gypsy said.

"ALRIGHT, LET'S GO KICK SOME HUMAN ASS!" Tom screamed to the heavens.

"I'm the only one with legs, Einstein," Crow pointed out.

"Why I oughta!"

"We're here!" Gypsy interrupted. She opened the door and they stepped into Deck 14, the same deck where Gypsy found the crate of HamdingersTM that actually contained the ship's single escape pod, the appropriately name _Deus Ex Machina. _The bots were hesitant to go here, but the ship's instruments had estimated that Mike's rocket would land on this particular deck.

"Okay guys, brace yourselves. I'm about to open the pod bay doors!" Gypsy warned the others.

Cambot took cover under an empty crate.

Servo flew up towards the ceiling and hid in a ventilation duct.

Crow simply grabbed on to a guard rail.

The ship's instruments told Gypsy that the rocket was coming up fast. So Gypsy, who ran all the ship's higher functions with her mighty intelligence, opened the pod bay doors. All the recycled air was sucked out of the room.

Crow hung on to the guard rail for dear life as he was flung off his two foot-like appendages and the whole world turned upside-down.

The ventilation duct Servo was in started shaking like nobody's business, and if it weren't for the fact that in space no one can hear you scream, the other bots would have heard Tom screaming as loud as his auditory systems would allow.

Luckily for Cambot all the crates were held in place by the same railing system Crow was clinging to.

Gypsy was also being yanked towards the never ending vortex of space, except she was tethered to the ship, so she wasn't going anywhere.

"Hang on!" Gypsy shouted, although nobody heard since, you know, space, screaming, whatever.

Then a rocket the size of a big refrigerator flew in and crashed through the guardrails as well as the ventilation duct, sending Crow, Tom, and Cambot flying around amidst the various crates. It was a good thing Gypsy was able to shut the pod bay doors before anything fell out. Once the doors were closed, the ship's artificial gravity/air kicked in. As a result, the four bots fell on to the hard, metal floor, and were joined by several supply crates.

"Let's do that again!" Tom cheered. He was greeted by the discouraged glares of the others.

"Or not, hehhehheh," Tom muttered.

The four automatons went over to the minute rocket and gazed at it in awe.

"It's so, pointy," is what Crow had to say about it.

"Alright, let's crack this egg open and meet the yolkier inside!" Tom laughed at his own horrible pun.

Gypsy smacked him across the room with her tube.

"_So, how do we open this thing?" _ Cambot inquired.

"Crow, get that crowbar over there," Gypsy pointed to the tool rack which included a red-painted crowbar.

"Why do I have to do everything around here?" Crow grumbled.

"**I **do everything around here," Gypsy pointed out, irratated.

"Oh yeah, what about when you got depressed and Joel had to shut down all the higher functions so you could talk to him? **I **had to everything while Cambot just sat there watching you and Tom just had to control the heat shields!"

"Hey, that was a really hard thing to do!" Tom yelled from the other side of the room. He got up and floated back to the others.

_"And at least you guys get to be seen on the show! Half the time nobody remembersI exist!" _ Cambot shouted.

"Yes they do! Half the fan mail is for you to be seen more!" Crow growled as he pulled on the crowbar. The rocket's hatchway started to give way.

_"Well, maybe if you held up a mirror every once in a while, we'd get more ratings." _ Cambot mumbled.

"Oh, so now you're saying you're better than I am!" Crow threw the crowbar across the room, right where Servo was a minute ago.

"Uh, maybe we should concentrate on the task at hand," Gypsy said, sternly.

"We would, if Cambot _had_ hands!" Crow sneered.

_"That's it!" _Cambot shoved Crow.

"Bring it on!" Crow hollered he tackled Cambot.

The two continued brawling as Servo struggled to work the crowbar with his ventriloquist doll hands and little spring arms. Gypsy eventually had enough of this. Using one of her coils she helped Tom with the crowbar, while with two other coils she separated Crow and Cambot.

"Are you two going to play nice?" she asked.

"As long as he doesn't say he's better than I am," Crow said.

_"As long as he doesn't make fun of me for not having hands," _Cambot responded.

"That's better," Gypsy said as she let them down.

"I got it! I got it!" Servo shouted from the rocket, its hatchway finally opened.

The four bots looked inside to see something they never thought possible: a big-chinned man drooling and snoring in a forest-green jumpsuit.

"Poor Mike," Gypsy whispered, seeing the consequence of her actions.

"IT'S A MONSTER!" Servo shrieked at a pitch thought unreachable.

The shriek managed to wake the normally heavy-sleeper Mike Nelson up. His drowsy eyes unwillingly opened to see four blurry figures in an unfamiliar environment.

"Whuh?" was all his half-conscious mind could mutter.

"IT IS A MONSTER! KILL IT! KILL IT FIRE!" Crow shouted as he ran across the room to get the crowbar he had thrown earlier.

Gypsy should've known this would happen.

"Guys, calm down. He's just a-"

_"KILL IT, CROW! KILL IT!" _ Cambot shouted, although to Mike it would just sound like electronic chirping and bleeping, or it would if he was awake.

Mike's senses started to do their job.

He heard two people screaming about a monster, and then some kind of beeping, like a phone ringing.

He tasted the Pepsi he had a few hours ago

He felt cramped, like when he was playing hide-and-seek as a child and he hid in the under his sink.

He felt the pain in his head, and remembered what Dr. Forrester had said about the Satellite of Love.

He remembered the rocket going off.

He remembered hitting his head against the top of the rocket when it really got close to the bone-shaped spaceship.

He realized this must be the SOL, and the figures screaming must be the cute little robots he saw when he was cataloging those boxes back in Deep 13.

He recognized the big purple one as Gypsy, the one he had helped find the Deus Ex Machina in the box of Hamdingers.

He recognized the flying gumball machine, but not the flying bowling ball that was making the electric chirping sounds.

Wait a minute, Mike thought, why would a bowling ball need a camera lens? That must be the camera robot Dr. F told me about. What was his name, Cameron, no, Cambot!

But wait, where's the sleepy-eyed guy? And where's the gold spider-duck?

As Mike thought this, the gold spider-duck ran up behind him, wielding a red crowbar, and crowned him for the fourth time today.

"Ha! I got him! I got him! Little baby Crow defeated the monster!" Crow cheered until Gypsy hit him with one of her coils.

"What was that for?" Crow whined.

"That wasn't a monster! It was the temp from Deep 13, Mike Nelson!" Gypsy said enraged.

"Are you sure?" Crow asked, looking at the guy he just whacked.

"He has a _really_ big face," Tom announced, inspecting him.

_"It's like Tor Johnson from The Unearthly and Bride of the Monster," _Cambot said as he took photos of their astounding discovery.

"Come on, let's put him somewhere comfortable so we can explain what happened when he comes to," Gypsy said, lifting up the unfortunate fellow.

"Tom, go get an ice pack for his head. Get some bandages, too. Crow, go set up the bed in Cambot's room. Cambot, get some chips and some Sprite. We're all going to need it," Gypsy ordered.

The three bots shot out the door to do their respected tasks.

"Oh, Mike," Gypsy muttered, caring like a mother would a child.

"I'm so sorry I got you into this. I'll make it up to you someday."


	5. If You're Wondering How

Chapter 5: If you're Wondering How He Eats and Breathes,

Mike awoke for the fifth time today, this time on a bed, like in his apartment. But this room was not his apartment. The walls were made of hexagon/pentagon shaped panels. You could barely see the panels, as they were covered in photos of cute little robots, strange doors, that sleepy-eyed man in the red jumpsuit. Wait a minute; this is the Satellite of Love. Mike got up and saw the four robots from earlier, staring at him. They all stood there in awkward silence until Mike decided to break it.

"Um, hi?" He waved weakly. His head still hurt from the four hits to the head.

"Hi," was all Gypsy could say.

"Uh, sorry about the crowbar; I'm not used to that, huge face of yours. Why'd you have it on?" Crow inquired.

He leaned to the right, a trick that always got an answer out of Joel. Tom and Crow theorized that the human's Achilles' heel, was they'd do anything for anything that looked cute.

"Well, I was born with it," Mike answered.

"Why don't you replace it?" Crow asked, again implementing the leaning.

"I can't replace it. Humans don't work like that," Mike explained. This is how Eddie must've felt when _I _was a kid, Mike thought.

"So, welcome Ambassador from Earth," Tom announced, trying to sound professional. He didn't.

"Welcome, to the Satellite of Love!" Servo said, managing to raise his arms in the air.

"Okay, so who're you guys?" Mike asked. The four bots looked at each other.

"Gypsy, get the Robot Roll Call!" Crow ordered.

Gypsy coughed a clipboard out of her mouth. Mike was a bit uncomfortable taking something deposited from someone else's mouth, but after seeing it was dry he lifted up it up and read the names on the paper.

"Cambot?"

"Show yourself!"

"I'm right here," Mike said, thinking Cambot was serious. The camera robot nodded.

"Gypsy?"

"I'm not ready!"

"Sorry, I'll wait 'till you are," Mike wasn't getting the sarcasm. He would eventually.

"Tom Servo?"

"H'llo there!" Mike just stared.

"Croooow?"

"That's _one _'o'!"

"Sorry, there was four 'o's on the paper," Mike explained.

"Yeah, that's how Joel wrote it," Crow informed him.

**"JOEL!" **Tom cried out.

"Servo, we already panicked!" Crow reminded him.

"Oh yeah, I'm good," Tom said, chuckling.

"So, I'm really up here. In space?" Mike asked, despite knowing it was probably a dumb question.

"Yeah, see for yourself!" Crow answered, pointing towards the window behind him.

Mike turned around to see it. The endless void. The final frontier. The inky blackness with a bunch of bright dots. And beyond it, who knows. He looked down to see an insignificant little blue planet. His home. Earth. His family, friends, girlfriend. All so far away. Mike wiped away a tear. The Bots watched him curiously. They had seen this sort of behavior from Joel before, but it was rare. He loved being on the Satellite. But Mike, he would need time to get used to it. He'd need some friends who would be understanding of his situation, and forgive his unfamiliarity to the weekly routines of the S.O.L. Tom and Crow do not fit this description. After a few more minutes of silence, Tom spoke up.

"Well, I guess we should show around the ship…"

"Mike. Mike Nelson."

"Well Mitch, let's go!" Servo hovered out of the room.

Crow groaned and followed, tailed by Cambot and Gypsy. Mike stared at the door for a minute then hesitantly followed them. The five went through several hallways, corridors, stairs, ladders and elevators until finally they made it to the bridge.

"This is the bridge! That big screen there is where we talk to the Mads."

"Who?" Mike asked. Servo sighed.

"Those two guys who launched you here!" Crow explained irritably.

"Oh, right." Mike replied sheepishly.

"That other big screen is where we talk to other people, like Winky, Gamera, Mothra, John Banner, that Russian guy," Servo listed some of their various visitors; confusing the hell out of Mike.

All Cambot could think was how much all the people Tom listed looked and sounded like Mike. Cambot shaked it off as Servo explained the buttons to Mike.

"When the red one blinks, which means the Mads are calling. You have to press it and call them a funny nickname, like the elusive uberlords,"

"Or the Glimmer Twins," Crow added.

"Or Crate and Barrel," Gypsy continued.

"Bidi-bidi-bidi!" "Huh?" Mike blurted out; still incapable of comprehending Cambot's unique mode of communication.

"He said: Or big cheaters" Crow translated. Cambot thanked him with a nod and beep.

"Okay then, I'll come up with some nicknames." Mike finished, utterly flabbergasted by all of this.

"Now that we have that settled, when the yellow one blinks, that means it's commercial sign," Tom continued with his flamboyant explanations. "Commercial sign?" Mike inquired.

"Yeah, when we cut to commercials. Dum-dum," Tom groaned.

"No, I mean how do _we _get commercials?!" Mike threw his arms out, hoping for a semi-logical explanation.

"Well, the Mads film us each week and air it on some cable channel." Crow explained.

"…And no one has bothered to come get you guys out of the clutches of two maniacs?"

"Well, everyone thinks this is all fake. They think the ships a cheap TV studio garnished in random junk, that us Bots are puppets, that Joel, Governor and J.J, and all the alien visitors are just actors! The letters we get are nice, though," Crow explained.

"Letters?"

"The evil hell spawn thought it'd be a good idea to make us give out a fake address that fans could send letters to, then the Mads fax them up here and we read some of them." Gypsy answered.

"…How does a fax machine work in outer space?" is all Mike could say.

"Just repeat to yourself, it's just a show, I should really just relax." Cambot said in perfect English.

"…What?!" was Mike's response.

"Anyway, press the button and Cambot's video feed will cut to commercials," Tom instructed, pretending nothing weird just happened.

"…Okay then," Mike replied, realizing it might be better just not to question the insanity.

"Good, now, when all the lights start flashing and the siren goes off, that's Movie Sign," Tom continued.

"What's Movie Sign?"

"Well, that's when we have to run into the Mystery Science Theater and watch the movie," Crow explained.

"Why?" Mike asked bluntly.

"Cause if we don't, Quisp and Quake will switch off the oxygen or electrocute us or something," Crow interpreted.

"Okay, but why do the, er, evil overlords," Cambot nodded approvingly at Mike's nickname choice.

"Want us to watch movies?" Mike finsihed.

"So they can find one that drives us loopy," Gypsy told.

"Loopy?" Mike interrogated.

"Insane, crazy, nutty, kooky, bonkers, cuckoo, ludicrous," Servo rattled off the synonyms.

"They want to find the worst movie ever made; a film so vile, so horrid, so ghastly, that it will drive a man to the very edge, destroying his will power and crushing his soul. Then the evil nincompoops will show this accursed piece of motion picture to everyone on Earth, making mankind helpless to stop them taking over," Cambot clarified.

Too bad Mike didn't catch a word of it, and Crow had to translate.

"So, that's their plan? Make us watch crappy-"

"Poopy," Crow interrupted.

"...Make us watch poopy movies until we go insane and then take over the world?!"

"Affirmative," Gypsy confirmed.

"Their plan is incredibly flawed," Mike understated.

"Well, DUH!" Crow retorted.

"Yeah, those two morons couldn't take over a coffee shop, let alone the world!" Servo commented.

"So, why do we bother watching the movies?! Why don't we just escape?!" Mike inquired, his mind boggled with the Bots timidity over the whole situation.

"…WHY DIDN'T WE THINK OF THAT?!" Crow roared.

"WE'RE SO STUPID!" Tom bellowed.

"Well, _you _are," Crow snickered as Tom slapped him.

"HEY!" Crow yelled as pushed Tom over the desk; the two started fighting.

"Do they always do that?" Gypsy and Cambot nod.

"Ah. So, what do we do?" Mike asked.

"Separate them," Gypsy answered. Mike looked at the two brawling robots.

He grabbed Crow by his basket, and Tom by one of his arms; as soon as he lifted them up, the fight seemed to drain out of them, and they stopped reaching for each other and just huffed and puffed.

"No more fighting, okay?" Mike told them.

"You're not my real father!" Crow hollered.

Mike was set back at this. That other guy, Joel. He must have built them. He was their creator, their father. And now he's gone. But what is Mike? Uncle? Big brother? College dorm roommate? Or just some doofus they were stuck with? Probably the second or third one.

"I may not be, but, no more fighting!" Mike retorted.

"Fine!" Both robots shouted.

Mike put them down.

Tom hovered to Crow's eye level and they glared at each other before Gypsy said: "Maybe we should show Mike a Movie Sign?" Gypsy said to break the mood.

"Great idea!" Tom proclaimed.

He went up to Mike then said: Now, Cambot's gonna start up the Movie Sign. You have to yell: "WE'VE GOT MOVIE SIGN!" then hit the red button. No the blue one, not the yellow, the red one. Next, run over to one of those hallways."

·Crow and Gypsy gestured to the corridors to the left and right of the bridge.

"They both will lead to a door labeled: "Move Door." You go through that door, go down the hallway, and eventually you'll find me and Crow. There, you have to pick me up and carry me into the theater."

"Why do you have to be carried?" Mike inquired; trying to get all of this memorized, which was hard since Servo talked so fast.

"Because there's an air grate right in front of my seat that my hover skirt can't fly over!" Tom declared annoyed by the constant questions.

"Wait, what about Gypsy?" Mike asked.

Tom growled.

"I don't watch the movies; I have to run all the higher functions on the ship." Gypsy explained.

"And she just can't handle them." Crow snickered until Gypsy whacked him with one of her coils.

"Anyway, when you get into the theater, you sit down next to Crow, and you put me on the seat next to you." Tom continued his earlier instructions.

"Where does Cambot sit?" Mike asked.

He couldn't help but smirk a bit as Tom screamed in frustration and started banging his head on the wall.

"He sits next to the projector so he can film us watching it and riffing the moive," Crow explained for Servo.

"What's riffing?" Mike asked.

"WHAT'S RIFFING?!" Crow, Tom (who stopped banging his head at the sound of this), and Cambot (although Mike couldn't understand him) all cried out in awe.

"This is gonna be a long night," Mike sighed.


End file.
